he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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