You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
