At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
