I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
