She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
