Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
