I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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