Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
If that was your dad, he is hot
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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