The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
