when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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