Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
