My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
