wanna go halves on a baby?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
