If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
