Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
