Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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