I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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