I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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