My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We had to coat check the pizza.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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