Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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