You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
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