Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
