Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
