I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
