Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
