y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
