She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I wish i was in the wii world.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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