i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
