New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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