I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
