im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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