You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
