I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
