Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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