don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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