just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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