I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
