So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I can't put those talents on a resume
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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