Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
