New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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