How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
