No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
