plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
