Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
