keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
