I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
