I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
