2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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