Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
