well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
