I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Two words: blizzard sex
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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