that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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