he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
